MUN “HIC” 2013       3rd – 6th October 2013

Thursday 3rd October

The trip began as a repeat of 2012 as the mini bus arrived at junction 17 at 04:15 to collect the Keiths to carry the Squarrite 9 Northwards to meet the Corkster at Manchester Airport.

The group check in went well with quick access to a 40minute shuffle in long lines of cattle pens. B.Ed. and Jacko were subjected to the statutory search and X ray due to their use of surgical support shoes.

Beer was priced at £4.95 per 500ml. in order to hide a true cost of £6.50/pint.  Scottee was asked for £6.00 for 3 pints of lager before the cost was corrected, with apology, to £12.60.

The flight was quick with a complimentary snack. The wrap was hot and vaguely cheesy though the cardboard case claimed it to be egg and tomato with a sell by date sometime in 2014.

The S Bahn underground station was in Terminal 1 beyond a large concourse under a vast tented cover. The ticket machine failed to offer the group discount passes that had been so carefully researched by Yup.

“Curry Men 0, Machine 1” commented Scottee.

The Corkster offered to queue at the ticket counter. His offer was partly kind and partly so that he could pay the 42 Euro cost in notes that had been put through the wash in the pocket of some particularly dark trousers that had reduced the notes to the grim reapers calling cards. The notes, except the 5 euro, were rejected so that he had to find a bank to explain and exchange. The girl at the bank protested that she was being asked to “do money laundering” before exchanging with a smile.

The S1 and S8 trains gave access to the City centre though the S8 route was longer.  Graham went to find the toilet but only found a suspicious lone hoody.  “He’ll be the driver” said Sid.   The £15 taxi fares were paid and Yup settled up outstanding accounts.

Yup set off to find some light refreshment as Bill recounted the rise of Nazism around Marienplatz. “It’s over there“, said Scottee in a raised palm gesture.

The Funkstadl bar was soon found and, after rejecting an inside table where the suspicious owner could keep a wary eye, beers were ordered in the bright sunshine.

Curryworst and chips went down well accompanied by more beers.

The sun moved rapidly to force a move indoors where bills were settled at 23 Euros each.

Keithee mocked anyone straying into a bike lane until his own location in the middle of a lane was pointed out.

The Corkster’s sleeping arrangements were to remain a secret. “I’m not daft” he said “You’ll stay up all night watching porn and charge it to my room” he added.

The rooms were equipped with heavily carved wooden canopies but with only 2 posts.

A quick change of clothes was followed by yet more beers in the lobby where Richee gave an impromptu guide to the paintings on display. “They’re only prints but with a heavy varnish overlay to replicate oils and age” he pointed out. “Who do you think is the bloke in that picture and why has he got no thumbs?”

“Justice Fingers?” replied Jacko.

Dinner was taken in a remote room upstairs where an ugly woman took the orders for pork in any one of a dozen options.  Graham ordered the fermented cabbage special while most went for pork with sauerkraut and polenta dumpling.

Scottee ordered potato soup but was presented with the easily mistaken pancake soup.

The bill of 20 Euros each was settled before Jacko could fall asleep into his beer.

The fun 5 found their way to the Shakespeare bar where a friendly group of young Germans toasted their health in beer, schnapps and strange rum. The Germans spoke good English and one had studied at the University at Leek Road.

The singing, air guitar competition, and drinking continued till 12:30 when Sid helped Keithee back to the Hotel.

Keithee had no key so Sid begged the concierge for a pass to the unknown room number. He eventually opened the door, pushed Keithee in and went to bed.

Graham awoke to find Keithee fully dressed at the end of his bed but apparently fast asleep. The next he knew the room door was wide open but no Keithee.

Scottee and Richie woke to find Keithee at the end of a bed demanding that they leave. “Where am I to sleep” he demanded.

Keithee was taken back to the unknown room where Scottee attempted to put him to bed. Keithee struggled so much as Scottee tried to remove his trousers that he left him in the safe care of Graham.

Friday 4th October

The Squarrites assembled in the lobby with Zoe dressed in traditional ebay Bavarian dress complimented by her own plaits. She also carried a woolly stein that looked suspiciously like a willy warmer ready for the expected change in the weather.

Sid had been unable to find his toothbrush and wondered what use somebody may put it to. “I just hope that Keithee is pleased with his tattoo when he wakes” he said.

Graham’s room key no longer worked though it had never left his possession. Access to the unknown room had been changed electronically during the night.

“You bastards” he said “My first Squarry outing abroad and you fit me up like a kipper. You all knew about the snoring and late night antics.”

He had left Keithee with all the lights on but with no one at home.

Keithee finally arrived but looked strangely different. His face was glowing and florid but his specs were missing.

Keithee announced that he was doubly handicapped in that he had been unable to start his holidays with his usual orientation tour. Sid commented that he would have difficulty navigating from his arse to his elbow.

Scottee made frequent reference to Goldilocks and her search for a bed that was “Just right”.

Snacks and water were taken in a stand up sandwich bar on the way to the festival site as the rain began to fall. There was no space in the Hofbrau tent but places upstairs would become available at 11:30

Yup led the way into the Spaten tent and negotiated an interim place at a table for 10.

The table was shared by others who offered discount vouchers at 8 Euros for the beers which were to cost 10 Euros each. The waitress, however, wanted vouchers to be accompanied by an additional 1 Euro to cover her wage.

Yup, Zoe, Brian and Jacko returned to the livelier Hofbrau tent to secure two tables upstairs. All was familiar to 2003 but the back staircase had been removed and there was no Sabina.

The rest joined and remarked on the difference in noise levels between the two tents.

Jacko went walkabout and was invited to join a friendly table where a handsome young male proceeded to lick his face and swear his undying love. Jacko made his excuses and left but wondered how he managed to be so attractive to the wrong sort of pervert.

The toilets were a little disappointing and largely free of entrapped females. The memory of an all stainless steel milking parlour carousel proved to have been false.

“I need a month without alcohol” said Sid, “I think I’ll choose February”.

The beer was again 10 Euros each and was kept supplied by the waitresses carrying 10 loaded steins at a time.

Bill went walkabout and Yup asked Jacko to investigate.

After a fruitless search his route back up the stairs was stopped by determined security guards. Jacko waited patiently not knowing if the Squarrites were still drinking or had been evicted. The exits to the rear and sides were also blocked by security so that the only way out was through a thousand would be revellers waiting to come in for the next session.

Yup texted Jacko on his contact number which became transcribed onto his home land line. Jacko’s wife rang back to say that he was in Germany but not to worry.

The chicken was brought on a huge tray carried overhead that had to be laid down in a strange limbo dance style to avoid tipping the dishes. 

Scottee insisted that a 70 cl. bottle of wine at 22 Euros was better value than a 1/3rd glass of house red at 4 Euros. He finally conceded but claimed that wine by the glass would taste like vinegar.

He went for a glass of the superior Chianti and declared it so good he took forever to finish it.

Yup, Zoe and Brian returned to the Hotel while the others went off to join Sid, Graham and Keithee at the Shakespeare.

The party was in full swing again though Sid claimed his wife had packed the wrong air guitar. He nodded to a sleeping Keithee in the corner. “It’s nice to see the old folk enjoying themselves”.

Graham enquired at the bar and was directed to a cloakroom from where he returned with Keithee's jacket and placed it on his lap as he slept.

The music was loud and disco and must have annoyed those living close to the open fronted bar. The rendition of Alice (Who the X is Alice) was particularly well accompanied and very loud

The route back to bed was completed without further creative street art.

Scottee and Richie woke in the middle of the night to another apparition in their room. This time it was Graham begging to be allowed to stay in order to avoid Keithee’s snoring.

Bill and Jacko lay in their beds assuming that the other had set an alarm and was aware of the time. The peace was broken by a call from Zoe to say that the Squarrites were leaving for the Station to catch the train to Fussen.

10 minutes later they had joined a waiting Sid for the dash while Yup negotiated a special group ticket.

Sid read the timetable and spotted that the Fussen train was to leave from track 31 and scoured the train in search of the others.

With minutes to spare Yup arrived with the group ticket which included return rail and bus travel all the way to Neuschwanstein for a bargain cost of 8 Euros each.

The train took off at speed through the suburbs and a girl passed down the carriage to conduct a survey. “Does anyone on the train speak German?” she pleaded to a sea of blank faces.

The track quality deteriorated and the train slowed so that the journey took 2 hours to reach Fussen. The connecting bus was just leaving but stopped to allow the Squarrites to board. All seats on the bus had been taken but it was worth standing rather than to repeat the 2 mile boring walk taken in 2003.

The cattle pens at the ticket hall were packed and overflowing. The earliest tour of the Castle interior would be 4:15 so that the last train back to Munich would be missed.

The decision was taken to walk to the Castle and explore the grounds.

Graham looked up to the height of the mountain and considered his condition.

“I’ll make my own way back to Munich” he declared.

His new best mate, Keithee, elected to stay with him while the remainder went ahead. The golden leaves were falling and the air was heavy with the smell of horseshit as the group made the long walk to the first refreshment stop. An intake of liquid and a bratworst for some was needed before the tour of the Castle courtyard and perimeter.

The journey to the bridge over the ravine was completed but the loose decking boards and sheer weight of gawping viewers put most off crossing to the far side.

The short cut down soon reached Keithee and a slightly improved Graham.

The bus back to Fussen was thought to run every 10 minutes but an inspection of the timetable suggested an interval of 1 hour as the rain began to fall even heavier.

The bus arrived and an assessment of the capacity and the length of queue confirmed the worst view. The driver continued to accept boarders as the queue shuffled forward. With every corner of the bus filled and the Squarrites almost there, the door slammed shut and the bus left.

The rain increased again and looked set to continue for the duration of the 1 hour wait.

“At least I don’t have to worry about the rain specks on my glasses” said Keithee.

Just as despondency descended another bus with an extended route number arrived to allow the Squarrites to escape the rain and sit and smile at the saturated Chinese as they boarded.

Zoe found her way into the Market Hall. There was a stall displaying a small selection of misshapen organic vegetables, a vacated fish stall and two bars selling beer.

Graham invested in a bottle of water while the rest went for beer.

The first, twee, bar closed but the lush’s bar in the corner remained open for more beers to be consumed before the restaurant was ready.

The Gasthof Krone was just as remembered but the transvestite was missing.

Paper bibs were fitted to protect against clumsy eating. Sid suggested that the open sketch design could be used for colouring in on the way back.

The menu choice was good and meaty with lots of potatoes though, somewhat heartlessly, the steaks were “from our own hand reared pigs.”

Scottee was able to find some haddock fresh from Norway.

The journey back was uneventful and darkness fell on the City.

A reveller ran awkwardly in the road before falling in a heap on the pavement as we walked back to our hotel.

“I suppose you’ve checked to see if your glasses are on the top of your head” Sid asked Keithee.

Yup led the way to Stigmaierplatz where the doors to Lowenbrau beer hall were flanked by loudspeakers pumping out aggressive rap/punk to a Bavarian umpah beat.

The Squarrites were not impressed.

The journey continued along Nymphenburger Strasse. “It sounds like someone who can screw you and feed you at the same time” said Sid.

The Indian Restaurant was found and Richee reserved a table for 10. Nine, nine cried the Squarrites to a puzzled waiter.

The search for liquid refreshment led to a gardened area with tables bedecked with flowers and awnings still dripping with rain water. “Is this a bar or a florists?” asked Scottee.

A Bavarian looking bar was found and beers consumed until it was time for the curry.

After the big meal at Fussen and the long day only Bill, Yup, Richie and Scottee elected to eat while the remaining 5 continued on for a nightcap in the lobby and an early bed.

Sunday 6th October

Bags were packed and outstanding room accounts were settled with no hidden porn charges for Graham.

Bill went off to follow Neville Chamberlain’s “Peace in our time” experience of 1938 but was able to meet the rest at the Rathaus on Marienplatz in time for the bells.

The Squarrites assembled at 11:00 to watch the moving tableau of the clock tower before a quick tour of the courtyard and a cup of coffee.

Bags were collected and final goodbyes to the Hotel made before a mass move to the Station.

A group ticket for the S8 was purchased for the return to the airport where, as normal, Jacko failed the inductance loop and was made to strip

Not only were his boots X rayed but he was ordered to remove his socks for inspection. His wallet and passport were both commandeered for X ray so that he had to watch the conveyor belt as he dressed to make sure he was not rendered stateless and penniless by any casual thief. He was so grateful to recover the essentials that he forgot the contents of his first basket.

Zoe led the way to the group check in desk. The process was quick but not group friendly as the Squarrites were distributed throughout the plane.

The flight home, gangway connection and passport control were quick and uneventful.

Graham proceeded to the departure gate to meet his lift while Sid rang the taxi to discover that it was already waiting.

Within minutes the Squarrites were heading home after the most carefully assembled holiday yet.

Three cheers to Yup and Zoe.

Jacko

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